A Winter Reflection
I’m writing this on what would have been my dad’s 73rd birthday. The last one we got to celebrate was his 65th. I don’t remember much about it. I know we weren’t together. He likely went out for breakfast, a near-daily ritual and I’m sure we talked on the phone, at least twice, another regular habit. I’m certain I would have mailed a card and gift, but I don’t remember any of those details. There’s a lot I don’t remember since his death in 2018. Sometimes this bothers me, other times, I shrug it off. Although my grief has changed over time, I can say not a single day goes by, that I don’t think of him. Sometimes it’s a memory or a favorite song, sometimes it’s thinking about what he would say about a situation, a favorite being, “Things went sideways.” This past April, Gary and I bought our first new car. That night I found myself overcome with emotion, crying for no apparent reason. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I wanted so badly to call my dad and share the news. He was always so encouraging and supportive. I miss hearing that he’s proud of us. I didn’t have any special plans for today. Occasionally on his birthday or his death-a-versary, I will plan something specific to honor or remember him. Nothing came to mind this year, so I’ve been going about my day, walking in the morning with a friend, making banana bread, watering the garden. Then I remembered something I wrote years ago about spreading his ashes and found myself reading it again and having a good cry. And that’s exactly what I needed today…no plan, no agenda, just a fleeting memory and the time and space to say YES and watch it all unfold. This is the beauty of winter to me. Darkness, slowing down, silence……..an invitation to turn inward, for introspection and renewal. As we approach the Winter Solstice, the darkest night of the year, will you give yourself this gift? Pause. Resist the urge to move. Quiet your outer and inner world for a moment, or two. And just observe. See what rises to the surface. And if nothing else, light a candle and consider the Divine light that burns within each of us and all of creation. WINTER SOLSTICE ASHES
A Season for Telling the Truth
This time of year comes wrapped in a familiar script: be merry, be grateful, be present. Shine brighter, gather closer, smile wider. But it rarely asks us to be honest. And honestly? Maybe that’s the one invitation we most need. (Because if I’m being real, I’d be perfectly content on the couch in my comfy jammies with a bowl of ice cream, skipping the small talk entirely.) Beneath the glitter, gatherings, and pressure to “make it magical,” there’s often a quieter reality—one filled with shifting identities, old sorrows, new priorities, and truths we’ve been gently avoiding: the traditions that no longer feel meaningful, the rituals that have lost their spark, the people we so desperately miss, the energy we no longer have, the conversations that feel too tender to bring to the table. So what if this season wasn’t about performance at all? What if it was about truth-telling? What would happen if we said: This tradition doesn’t feel like mine anymore.I need more rest than celebration this year.I’m grieving someone who isn’t here.I’m craving conversations that matter—about life, death, change, meaning. These are the kinds of truths that surface naturally at the end of life—what we want, what we fear, how we hope to be remembered. But we don’t have to wait until the final chapters to speak honestly. In fact, we shouldn’t. Each new day is a chance to inch closer to the life you crave. When we name our needs, our griefs, our limits, and our values, we create room for deeper connection. We gift the people who love us an opportunity to know us deeply and fully. And we give ourselves permission to live in alignment with who we really are—not who the season says we should be. So as the world speeds up, I hope you slow down long enough to check in with yourself: What needs to be said?Which traditions and rituals still feel meaningful—and which are ready to be retired?Where could rest replace obligation? Where are you shrinking or stretching to make others comfortable?What honest conversation would bring you closer to answering the question, “What must I do to be at peace with myself, so that I can live well and die wise?” If you’re tired of pretending that everything is all holly-jolly and wish to acknowledge the hurts, the longings, the loneliness and regrets, know that you are not alone, you are not crazy, you are not selfish. Wherever you find yourself this holiday season, I’m wishing you peace, joy and some good old-fashioned truth-telling. This season, may honesty be the gift you give yourself. You are worth it!
ABUNDANCE
Back in June I talked about summer being a season of heat and energy. It’s a time known for great growth. For those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, today marks the Autumn Equinox, the shifting of seasons from summer to fall. Day and night are nearly equal and as we continue this seasonal shift, temperatures will cool, light will fade into darkness and the trees will change colors and shed their leaves. It’s a marvelous time! It’s also a season of harvest and I’m so excited to share with you all that I’ve been creating. I have a new logo (see above), new email address, Facebook page and a new website! I believe they better reflect my desire to serve as both a yoga teacher and death doula. I encourage you to have a look around. See what’s changed, what’s new and let me know your thoughts and questions. My yoga teachings will continue online and in-person. I will be adding communal offerings to explore mortality, death and end of life issues. And I’m available for free consultations for anyone who’s interested in talking more about what it means to Live Well & Die Wise. Summer was full! I am grateful for the experiences of travel, fulfilling times with family and friends, meaningful experiences and professional expansion and creativity. Now I am looking forward to this season of change, of slowing down, of turning inward and returning to a sense of balance and peace. A year ago I wrote this reflection on The Art of Letting Go. Have a look and consider what this season might be inviting you to. Nature is a great teacher. Let’s take our cues from Mother Earth and consider what we can release and what that might make room for.
Live Well – Die Wise
Gary and I leave this Thursday for Europe. We will visit Athens for a few days then head out on an Oceania cruise for 7 nights with stops in Greece, Italy, Monaco, France and Spain. We will conclude our 2-week adventure with a few days in Barcelona. We are excited to celebrate 20 years of marriage. We both love milestones and love celebrating, so we decided to GO BIG! Neither of us have been to Athens or Barcelona and we’ve never done a cruise together. We anticipate a wonderfully relaxing time away and the opportunity to reflect on these last 2 decades and dream about what is ahead. Speaking of dreams…. many of you know my aspiration to serve those who are dying. I completed my death doula coursework in January and in February I had the privilege of spending a few weeks with my neighbor Mark. Mark had cancer and by the time I started regular visits he was bedbound and could not talk. He would write feverishly in his notebook, and I would ask questions. We spent time in silence, just being present with each other. Mark shared his thoughts on death and the afterlife. He also shared some regrets from life. He was still holding onto some shame and guilt concerning his service in the Vietnam War. And you could visibly see the toll it was taking on him. Tears flowed freely as we talked about forgiveness, especially the hard work of forgiving ourselves. In those few, short weeks, I witnessed something shift in Mark. It was as if his distress, his sorrow, began to lift and peace began to settle in. I’d like to believe Mark did forgive himself. Though I will never know for sure, he did die peacefully. About one month later, the hospice patient I had been visiting weekly since last June died. She was 96 years young and had been telling me for several weeks that she was ready to die. During our last visit this is the Send Off Prayer I shared with her: To the mystery that creates us, laughs with us, weeps with us, and who walks with us each step of our journey, energizing us when our strength fails.Today our hearts break with grief, our voices crying out words of lament.And so we ask you to please flow in and around us today as we send off [name].Help us to see through the veil of tears that there is hope for ongoing connection, that death of the body cannot sever the energy of love.Please ensure that [name] knows our love always. Please help [name] be free from pain, fear, and suffering. We wish HER a most auspicious What’s Next. May it be so. These two experiences confirmed my desire to serve in death work. I know I will have more opportunities to serve those who are actively dying. I also look forward to creating opportunities for you to talk about death, to prepare for your death (we are all going to die after all), and ultimately to live your “one wild and precious life” more fully! I wholeheartedly believe that when we confront our mortality the outcome is a more purposeful and meaningful life. Summer is a season of heat and energy. I’m looking forward to some unique opportunities to practice yoga with you on the Summer Solstice and International Day of Yoga. My business, logo and website will also be revamped this summer to better reflect my two roles: yoga teacher & death doula. I have such deep gratitude for this community and look forward to the ways our paths will continue to intersect. QUICK LINKS: REGISTER FOR LIVESTREAM CLASSES INTERNATIONAL DAY OF YOGA SUMMER SOLSTICE